Giving Ourselves Permission to Transform: A Conversation with Dr. George James

Recently, I had the opportunity to sit down with Dr. George James, a family wealth psychologist whose new book, Give Yourself Permission: Take Risks. Be Imperfect. Live Boldly.*, explores how the stories we tell ourselves can either limit or liberate us. Our conversation was inspiring and included themes that connect the work Dr. George does with the work we do at Bold Ventures. I’ve included a sampling of excerpts from our conversation below, as well as links to a full transcript and Dr. George’s new book.

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Education and Work as Pathways to Opportunity

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Dr. George's journey began with his parents' migration from Jamaica to the United States. Neither had formal degrees, but they understood clearly that education could be a pathway to opportunity.

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"They never said, 'You need to get a whole bunch of degrees,'" Dr. George explained. "But the message that getting an education could help me and help my life and career—that message was there. I just took that message times ten."

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Later in our conversation, he explained more: "When my father earned money, he would get some cement and then would, brick after brick, build a room and a room to another room," until he had built their house.

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“So it was ingrained—the importance of education, hard work, showing up, and loyalty. These are some of the family dynamics that I learned that became pillars and values that are part of our mission and vision in our family that we now share with our children.”

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This isn't just a family story. It's a story about what wealth really represents—not just the accumulation of resources, but the expansion of possibility across generations.

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The Four Barriers to Permission

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At the heart of Dr. George's work is a concept he calls "giving yourself permission." In his book he talks about four barriers that prevent people from making the changes they want to make: social stress (the pressure of how others perceive us), leadership stress (the weight of responsibility), the stress of injustice (the impact of systemic inequities), and family of origin stress (the patterns we inherit).

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"We then start to say no to ourselves," Dr. George explained. "We don't even let the idea come out."

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In family foundations and multigenerational businesses, such barriers sometimes manifest in familiar refrains: "This is how it's always been done." "I'm too young to have a voice." "If I step down from leadership, who will I be?"

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Such barriers create narratives—stories we tell ourselves about what's possible and what isn't. And those narratives can become self-fulfilling prophesies.

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Breaking Free

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The antidote, Dr. George argues, is recognizing the narratives we've created and then giving ourselves permission to do things differently. In his book, he explores different dimensions: permission to take risks, to be imperfect, to love and be loved, to let go, to heal, to forgive, to play and rest.

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For families working through questions about their wealth and its purpose, his framework offers a powerful lens. Sometimes, even before we can have productive conversations about grantmaking strategy or succession planning, we may need to examine the stories that prevent us from imagining different possibilities.

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Paraphrasing Dr. George, what if the narrative isn't "we've always supported these causes"? What if it's "we have permission to evolve our focus as we learn more"? What if the narrative isn't "the older generation knows best"? What if it's "we have permission to learn from the next generation's perspectives"?

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A Personal Practice

I closed our conversation by asking Dr. George what he was giving himself permission to do that day. He had just traveled cross-country to see his daughter off on an exchange program to Australia, so he was giving himself permission to rest, to miss his daughter, and to recharge.

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It struck me as a wise reminder that we need to take care of ourselves and one another along the journeys we are making.

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Dr. George's work reminds us that the stories we inherit and repeat can shape our lives profoundly. But we're not prisoners of those stories. We can examine them. We can rewrite them. We can give ourselves permission to do things differently.